Lumen Ex Atro
by SolidSnake'sLover
Summary: Moony tries to get over Sirius' death. K plus for death themes. 311 songfic.


**A/N:** This is my first fic. Please either treat it with care or spit on it and laugh.

**Disclamer: **Sadly, I own neither these characters nor the song, which is "Beyond the Gray Sky" by 311.

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**Lumen Ex Atro**

It was a particularly stormy night. Lightening flashed a threat to the poor Muggles who still used electricity. The sky was murky gray with fog, hiding the starts which were now just another portion of the cosmos which Lupin hated. He was glad for the fog.

"_It is a gift, I know, a moment of bliss that we hold."_

One shimmering moment. Two years since he had begun feeling alive again, and now…

"_A firecracker flash of light, then onto the next plain, soul remain."_

All it had taken was one beam of light, and then Remus was alone again. His last brother had fallen through the arch of true shades, or maybe of false dreams, but no matter. He was somewhere beyond…beyond what? Beyond the veil.

"_Come along, if you dare. It's gonna be that you're scared…"_

Harry had wanted to go after him. Lupin had stopped him, but couldn't take his eyes off of the wretched thing. He watched it as it mocked him, one corner billowing, beckoning him, as if to say, "Come along, Remus. Don't be frightened, he's just behind me, out of your reach."

"_Lovely life I thank you for the reason see the pain through…"_

Remus had been happy. Even when things were down, he could just turn around and his old friend would be there, grinning even though he was trapped again, always ready to remind his buddy Moony of the good days.

And sometimes it felt like the good days too. All it took was one look at Harry and they both would be reminded of his father. Sirius would remember such and such time, and Remus would feel sixteen again.

"_Light a candle for the dead, the wick is burning, returning what we had. It's who we are. We'll reach you if you're beyond the furthest star."_

In all of his reminiscing, the fire had burnt low. He added another log and stared, transfixed, at the fireplace. He flickering light showed the lines in his face. One liht was all it took. He could have stopped him. The other members could have handled the situation just fine.

But there was no stopping Sirius when he was determined. His loyalty to Harry and been unparalleled even by his loyalty to James, since the day Harry was born. It was as if Sirius was the father, and in a way, he was. It was just like his loyal dog Animagus. And his constellation; the star after which he'd been named was the brightest in the sky and nearly the farthest away. That distance had never seemed so great until now.

He had been Remus' shining beacon of light, that maybe two brothers would no longer have to be separated, that the gaping hole could begin to fill. And now, that star had burnt out.

_No,_ he reminded himself. _It's been burnt out for years, ever since that Halloween. But he'd always seemed bright to me. Distance does that, I suppose._

"_Don't give up the fight to stay alive, and even if you have to find the reason of another's pain of they lose you. If not for yourself, then those around who care like I do."_

Had Remus thought about it? Of course he had. After all, they were "brothers to the end", weren't they? Hadn't the four of them sworn upon their _lives_ that they would always be there for each other?

And now, two were dead for doing just what they promised. The third would receive his punishment many times over in the end. Shouldn't he then join them and become brothers again?

"_One day you'll see the clear blue beyond the gray sky."_

He knew he could never get over Padfoot's death. This wasn't something that he could get over in months or even a year or two. He had been less upset about his parents, who had shared his very _blood_.

The Marauders were different. They were one being, four quarters, just like the Founders. Remus, whose brains should have made him a Ravenclaw. Peter, who had to work twice as hard as the others and still didn't stand at their level, would have fit right in as a Hufflepuff. Sirius, whose blood should have landed him in Slytherin. James, the definition of a Gryffindor, the only one to b sorted as expected. James, who bled courage. James, who had been he glue to the Marauders. Once he was gone, the rest fell like a house of cards.

Remus heaved himself off of the floor and sat at the windowsill to watch the sky.

He wouldn't have to leave a note. He had no important possessions and no ne to give them to. He had nothing to say to anybody.

"_I can't believe you didn't call. What made you want to end it all? Wasn't there something I could have tried…?"_

A bolt of lightening struck and Lupin thought of Harry. He saw his breath on the window and understood.

_James. Sirius. Always the best of us and top of the class. They've beaten me again. Their death wasn't punishment, they'd just fulfilled their promise "brothers to the end" in protecting Harry. Sirius went where James no loner could and was given relief. His death was a reward to him from fate. I'm not allowed to die because I haven't yet fulfilled my promise. And Peter is punished in his life for his actions. He won't rest until he pays his dues._

_And what does that make me? I'm hardly better than him. To quit right now would break that promise, and I'd be betraying the Marauders' name._

_It all comes down to Harry. I must fulfill my responsibility, and only then can we rejoin again as Marauders._

"…_to help you see beyond the gray sky…"_

A cloud shifted, and just past Orion's belt, Moony saw his beacon. It hadn't left him, it had only gone out of his reach. But it would always be there, should he get lost, to remind him that he wasn't alone.

* * *

Thought I'd tell you Lumen ex atro means "light from dark", or, as a substantive, "light from black." Almost clever.

Review if you feel like it, or don't, but I'd appreciate any feedback.


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